why so many many many many many violins?

20070813
23:05

I'm in a session again,
one on one counseling
(talking about my words that
dissappear into the cave,
nothing coming back,
not even a muddy echo)
with a voice that speaks from
next to my inner ear.

we've talked about this before,
i need to stand up straight
think stronger thoughts -
better sleep and less pain.
I read from motivational books
and recite all those droning
self-help sleep-learning tapes.

we still listen for words to come back
i'm pushing my hearing to the corners here,
but i end up looking at the stuffed shelves.

even though i have days and days of
pages and pages of
lines and lines
to run my face over,
straining my eyes through to the letters,
my first and final shifting of the covers
are my flailings meant to quell the thought
that my message will never echo back.

so, sometimes,
I think it's time to see a new therapist.
I've tried on every door here.
i don't think there's anyone determined to
hear that knocking message.

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